Our journey through the unknown
Unknown. A word that brings a lot of difficulty. It makes us uncomfortable because it’s unfamiliar territory that we are walking into. Not knowing brings an anxious mind, vulnerability, and fear. We often feel hopeless, drowning, and have a lack of control. Plain and simple, it’s difficult.
How do we find hope or joy in seasons of unknowns? How do we stay above the water when we feel like we’re drowning? How do we tame the thoughts that take us to very dark places? How do we navigate in the unknown?
Where does our hope and joy originate should be our first question. If it comes from the comfort and familiarity of our life, what happens when our life hits the fan and the grasp we had so tightly gets ripped away? Does our hope and joy get ripped away with it?
In New Morning Mercies, Paul Tripp writes this: “God is working right now, but not so much to give us predictable, comfortable, and pleasurable lives. He isn’t so much working to transform our circumstance as he is working through hard circumstances to transform you and me. Perhaps in hard moments, when we are tempted to wonder where God’s grace is, it is grace that we are getting, but not grace in the form of a soft pillow or a cool drink. Rather, in those moments, we are being blessed with the heart-transforming grace of difficulty because God who loves us knows that this is exactly the grace we need.”
This is where we put our hope and joy in. Not in the fact that we are comfortable or familiar with our life but in Gods heart-transforming grace and knowing that God can do more in our waiting and unknown than in our doing we could do.
2019 was the beginning of our journey through the unknown. Our life turned upside down very quickly. Writing this, we are only 3 weeks out of Andy’s surgery. This journey is fresh, raw, and real. It plain sucks.
At the beginning of the year Rachel found out she had a miscarriage at 7 1/2 weeks and less than 2 weeks later Andy was diagnosed with a rare form of appendix cancer. The life that we had grasped so tightly to and thought we had control of was ripped out of our hands. The familiarity and comfort we thought we had was gone. Our life changed drastically way too fast.
Through our own eyes and understanding it is a very dark unknown. Hearing the words “there is no heart beat” is dark. Bleeding for days because they removed your unborn baby is dark. Hearing the words “it’s cancer” is dark. Sitting in the tub crying and yelling at God begging him to not take your husband is dark. Seeing the CT scan of the cancerous tumors is dark. Being in an invasive surgery for 15 hours is dark. Hearing that they were not able to remove all of the tumors is dark. Waiting every 3-6 months till they check the growth of the tumor is dark. The future through our own eyes is dark.
From day one we have prayed expectantly for God to show Himself in ways we never thought imaginable. To teach us things that draw us closer to Him and each other. To guide us through and in this very dark unknown. Through the eyes of God and not our own, we trust that this journey will bring light in ways that only He knows is best.